3 Best parts of Switzerland

Switzerland was a dream. Sure, half the dream was full of rain and clouds, but the parts that mattered were dry (i.e. the parts in the mountains where we were outdoors all day).

The best parts of Switzerland?

1. The views

I mean really. It was like every day, all day, at least once an hour one of us would either point out a suddenly even more gorgeous normal site, or, by the end of it, almost disgustedly comment how it just wouldn't stop being beautiful EVERYWHERE. All those idyllic meadows full of cows and bells and grass so green it looks dyed. Peaks. And clouds. And clouds just rolling around peaks like they've been placed there on purpose, for the sole purpose of looking breathtaking to the few hikers with the chance to see them. It's not normal, there being this much beauty in one place. I've been to a lot of beautiful places. Or at least I thought I had, until the freaking Swiss Alps showed me that the beauty of the rest of the world is a mere twinkle in the eye of glacier-covered passes under glowing sunsets. 

Effing green meadow

A glacier melting right below itself

An Ibex!

Even the non-mountain sites were captivating. We had some great walks in the rain. And walking tours of cities. And, as is my favorite, we just wandered. These views were memorable in a more normal, old, beautiful, European way. Museums; hearty pubs with black and white photos of important-looking men and dark mahogany booths, winding stone paths through towns with castles; fountain that NEVER TURN OFF, churches with painted ceilings:

2. Walking around

Mostly the walking in the mountains is what was great. Though, not if you asked me right about this time:

"Quiet expletives and burning rage"

That's when I was over hiking and heights and glacial snow I was sure I'd slip on and tumble to if not my death than at least pretty miserable injury. 

Yes, this face shows much more hiking happiness:

Switzerland is full of these mountain lodges where you can essentially show up with the clothes on your back (and a sanitary sleep sack) and they will feed and house you. We ended up making some of our own food, but the lodges were a great way to see the outdoors without having to pack in tents and sleeping bags and all the other bits and pieces backpacking usually requires. I don't know why we don't have any similar setups here in the US. We have enough wilderness. The huts aren't luxury, but I'd still say 'hut' is an understatement for their full kitchens and plenty of bunks. Our first hut slept 90 people. Our second could have maybe fit 20, but there were 9 there. We had a pretty difficult time picking a route (not helped by the fact that most all websites about the network of huts are in German), but I'm really happy with the route we picked. We had to cut off a night due to the storm, but what we had was AMAZING.

Our mountain hutte

We also had to carry clothes and supplies for the rest of our trip, so our bags weren't as light as they could have been if all we were doing was hiking. 

At one point, the highest point, both literally and emotionally (at least for Porter) was making our way over a the final pass before our descent (and where we were warned a storm was coming, fast). I thought I was going to die from an overactive fear of heights, as well as really struggling physically. My super man offered to take my bag, climbed over the scariest of the snow fields, up a ladder, and to the peak. That 30 minutes was the lightest (physically and emotionally) I had felt since we started hiking. And the most fun for crazy people who love not being able to see their feet when footing is important, and who love the pain of effectively doubling ones' load, and of course making their wives' lives a bit easier when it really counted. 

3. Hanging out with this guy

Seriously, he's so much fun to hang out with. And make fake German accents with. And learn about Swiss history with. We ate and wandered and shopped for cheese and sausage and knick knacks. We made some new friends and ate some really awful powdered eggs, and ate some other really amazing mea;s. We read in beautiful places and slept in some unusual places. He kept a good attitude when the rain was getting old and never got bored of learning something new. He never does.

One one of the many forms of transportation we took (Planes, trains, funiculars, trams...)

Hiking !

I have no idea what prompted this series of photos. But doesn't it just make you wanna kiss him?

How we went to Switzerland with almost Net Zero cost

When we picked Switzerland, we know going in that it wouldn't be a cheap trip. This wouldn't be a trip where we could scrape pesos together for food and lodging (my favorite kind of trip, not Porter's). Switzerland is listed in just about every travel guide as one of the most expensive places in the world. On the first leg of our flight, the German guy sitting across from us (yes, across. We had weird backward train seats from Seattle to Vancouver) spent 20 minutes telling us how expensive coffee is. A guy from Germany. That's like when Thai people tell you something it's spicy. They're at an elevated level of normal. So when they say high, it must really be bad.

Expensive is a bad word for for a cheapskate like me, but Swiss hiking was reportedly the best in the world, so we started strategizing started early. Here's how:

1. United Miles for the plane ticket

We earn a lot of United miles. We're both authorized users on Porter's account, though Porter does most of the spending on his day-to-day and for work- buying medals and tech shirts and thousands of mustache-shaped shirts. I'm not necessarily partial to United, but it's the airline we started with and the way I see it, you've got to have a card with at least one of the legacy airlines. They go everywhere and where they don't, their alliances do. It takes about 30,000 miles each way to Europe (coach- I prefer more flights over fewer fancier flights) plus tax in cash. We also paid a change fee once when a better flight opened up. 

2. Barclay Card Arrival Credit Card for travel expenses

There are a handful of credit cards out there that operated on the 'Pay Now, Redeem Later' system. The Barclay Card Arrival Plus, in addition to having no foreign transaction fees, is one where you can redeem your points for any travel expense. In short, pay for your travel on the card (and pay it off right away like normal), accrue points as you spend, then get reimbursed for anything counted as travel. For us that meant mostly trains (which cost a BAZILLION dollars) and a few hotels. With the sign up bonus and regular accrual, we covered about 75% of what we paid for hotels and trains.

Now that we're home, I'm working on Barclay's other way to accrue points: writing travel stories on their travel advice site. It adds up some 500 points at a time, which is pretty much $5 at a time, so I don't know how long I'll last. You have 90 days to redeem your travel expenses, so I'm hoping I'll get in a mood one night and write up a couple hundred bits of travel stories to cover the last 25% of our hotel and train travel.

3. AirBnB for everything else

I've got a whole post coming up or the thrills of AirBnB. For the sake of this post we'll just say this: we rented out our apartment for the entire time we were gone, effectively covering the cost of most of the food (read: cheese, sausage, and overpriced but totally delicious and worth it meals that Porter had to keep talking me into eating without guilt or dollar signs in my eyes) and fun (site-seeing, souvenirs, crap we didn't ever think we'd have to buy but did) leftover. 

I haven't finished totally everything up yet, but by my calculations, a 10 day trip to Switzerland, with mixed budget accommodations and reasonable spending on site-seeing and food cost about $500. 

Now we have to start strategizing for New England this fall!

3 Reactions to REI's Response to My Complain Tweet

The weirdest thing happened the other day. First of all I complained to REI on Twitter- which is weird in and of itself because I've posted to Twitter all of 15 times and the only followers I have are my brother and those random companies that follow people in hopes of getting followed. 

But I was shopping for something at REI, a backpack I think. It doesn't matter so much what because every time I shop for outdoor gear at REI or elsewhere I have the same frustration: I hate colors from the 80's.

I hate teal and fuchsia, and cyan, and all the colors that almost all women's clothing and supplies come in. Shop in Men's, you'll find RED, BLUE, GREEN, sometimes yellow, and the old standard black. In Women's it's all these awful colors I hate, and black, which I already have to much in anyway. 

So this last time I was really frustrated because I found a PERFECT Men's backpack in a great shade of really normal orange and it didn't fit because it was made for a long torsoed man and long-torsoed I am NOT. And the same brand of backpack in women's was AQUAMARINE.

Nothing against those who love aquamarine, but I hate it. I want my supplies in colors I could find in a standard Crayola box. Is that so much to ask? 

SO I tweeted at REI and said so. 

And two hours later, THEY TWEETED BACK.

"@kambrat Thanks for the feedback. We will pass it along."

Weird, right? Is this normal now? I didn't know what to do with myself. In fact, I had three reactions:

1. Shame/Embarrassment

Like when you complain about something loudly and then someone calls you on it. Really you were just complaining to complain. It's really not THAT bad. I realize REI mostly sells product that other companies make. And that all companies are doing market research of SOME kind. I'm not trying to say people are doing their jobs poorly. No one should get fired over this or anything...

2. Satisfaction/Loyalty
Maybe my voice will be heard. Even if it's not, the fact that REI has someone staged to respond is pretty amazing. They are listening. TO ME! Now that's the future of customer service right there. And real time market research. I'm not the only one wishing for more primary colors and I'll stick with REI until they learn that from me and all the others like me...

3. Unsettled/Creeped Out
What is it that's weird about it? It's like I'm breaking the Fourth Wall of Big Business. Small businesses hear customer complaints. Large businesses are an endless hole of bureaucracy and grey flannel suits (or in the case of REI, neon breathable spandex puffy coats). That's just how it works. Here I feel as if I've entered in a false reality where my complaints are heard... but surely not by people who can affect change... or maybe next season bags will be red and puffy coats bold blue. All because my tweet went around the world.

I don't know. I still feel mixed

Three Best Things about Baseball Games (spoiler: none of them are baseball)

Went to the Mariner's game on Friday night. I always say that I love going to baseball games because you don't actually have to watch baseball to know what is going on or to have a good time. Because baseball games are full of excitement and camaraderie entirely separate from the slow pace hits and really quite depressingly high rate of strike outs.

I like the game, don't get me wrong, but I'd never watch it on TV. That would be like watching golf. Only exciting if it's high stakes. What I like best about baseball games, aside from good company of course (a must for a game with an average of a run just every 22 minutes), is the bits at the stadium. There's a sense of collective entertainment when you're waiting for one out of three attempted swings to be successful.

My favorites are:

1. The Wave.

I get excited watching The Wave circle the ballpark. I get disappointed when the lowlifes before my section give it up. I wonder what the record is for most laps around a stadium (It's 31! And might have hit it big in Seattle!). Regardless, it fills me with glee.

2. Singing Take Me Out To the Ballgame

It's the closest thing I have to Old Irish Drinking Songs (capitalized, because it's a Thing, you know). I don't go out drinking in modern times in America, where I'm sure they don't still sing OIDS. I can only picture the experience from movies (apparently only Disney movies at that). And from ball games. Where hours (literally hours) of passive game-watching is punctuated by a burst of collective participation. Doesn't it just make you want to link arms with your neighbor and smash peanut shells in with your toes as you sway from side to side? It does me, and I appreciate when others get into it even more than I do.



3. Special displays of orchestration

Friday night we saw a fireworks show set to Taylor Swift and Ellie Goulding (really well-timed, better than I've ever seen before). It was an abnormal night where the majority of attendees actually stayed past the 7th inning stretch (a rarity for me, I'll admit) and it was so great.

But even without special occasions, I love the little dance the sand sweepers do; and when groups of 50 all wear the same thing and cheer; and costumes. I've never joined the dress up crowd (I have a blue and green plaid shirt I wear to all professional sporting events in Seattle [Sounders, Seahawks, and Mariners colors all look pretty similar]), but I love to see it on the jumbo-tron, especially when accompanied by dancing


Three more things I like:

Good company

A cute baby

Knit beard on a handsome man

3 Ways to GSD

It's a short work week this week. And a non-week next week (better known as VACATION), which means crazy town in my brain as I try to prepare to leave work and busy business time and get everything together for travel (crisis of the moment: it is apparently SNOWING in the mountain town I've been planning for months on hiking in shorts [kill me now. Or then, it this cold front keeps up]).

Distraction is no stranger to my work day (I tend to blame the Facebook mentality [productivity 140,characters at a time], my monkey mind, birth order [younger children have less structure], being too capable for my own good, or being a millennial wholly lacking in work ethic) and I've done the rounds of self help books (post on that to come). There is, unfortunately, no panacea for distraction, but here's my current method for getting it back together when my brain is spinning, or even focused -just not on the right things at the right time.

To Get Shtuff Done:

1. Stop multi-tasking
It is scientifically proven that women multitask well (better than men at least). Doesn't mean it's good. Someone posted on Facebook the other day that "monotasking is the new multitasking." Why? Because doing 10 things halfway is still worse than doing one thing all the way.

So close browser tabs, unsent emails, open programs. Put away your phone and your snacks or whatever else you sneak peeks at when the whim arises.

2. Complete Something. Anything.
Productivity builds off itself, as does being a totally useless tool of a person, frittering away time on endless preparing, research, and perfecting.

Do. Anything. Do like done. I recommend cleaning your work space (productivity double whammy)(even cleaning out my purse works, and there's little potential there for a rabbit hole of other tasks). Also, paying a bill online. Even I'd it's not due yet. Especially if it's not due yet (extra Responsible Points). Anything that takes less than 5 minutes gives you the productivity

It's addicting and makes you want to do more.

3. Set a distraction time limit
This should maybe go first, because it's really a non-action. Sometimes you get distracted when you're fighting whatever thing you want to do so much that you can't scratch the itch. So scratch the itch! Take a walk, Facebook for 5 minutes, stare at the wall for ten. But do it all the way and don't feel bad about it. Get it out of your system.

This here blog post is an exercise of setting a distraction time limit. Instead of writing a sentence or two between tasks, but thinking more of my next sentence than my task, just give in for a minute. And you're ready to go.

And now I'm ready to go.

Music Monday: 3 Concerts I'd Pay a Bunch of Money for

I love music. Big time. It's in my blood and makes my life better. But I've never been much of a concert-goer, one, because I'm cheap and would rather spend money on travel and dessert and two, because there aren't too many artists I like enough to listen to them for an entire album, let alone live, for hours, with other people singing along. There are musician's I'd see for less (a post on that later)

1. Justin Timberlake
Maybe I'm 14 years old. Maybe it's because I never had boy band mania when I was 14. Maybe it's just that Justin Timberlake is talented, dreamy/steamy, and and obnoxiously charming and funny that I think he'd put on a great show. Sadly, I didn't discover this until recently, and the man came to Seattle in January. I'm seriously considering flying to Omaha (or somewhere random) for a show. That's hour fourteen I am.

I'll take the man on the right, thank you

2. John Mayer
No surprise, I'm a Mayer-o-phile. I can listen to John Mayer many days a week for hours on end. I've been unable to attend every time he's come to the Gorge, and this year he's doing Europe, probably grieving his and Katy Perry's relationship demise, and writing poignant songs that get right to the heart of love, loss, and living life. It's what he does, and what I want to be a part of it in an audience.

3. Elton John/Billy Joel
Seriously the only concert I've ever paid more than 20 bucks for and I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO GO. They rescheduled for 3 months later when I was out of the country. I was robbed and am now waiting for the two to join forces again. (Get your alcoholism together, Billy, and Elton will take you back!)

Join me?

Three phrases every traveler should learn

Travelers' language books are totally useless. I buy one for most new languages I'll be confronting and am disappointed every time. It's worth having them for the easy access dictionary (my vote goes to ones with listings by category, like 'food' 'hygiene' and 'family') but for conversation, I've always found them lacking. It doesn't help that the common (and often accurate) assumption is that anywhere you go someone will speak enough English that you won't be stranded. Doesn't matter. Well, shouldn't matter. We're not going to throw out the old 'loud, stupid American tourist' stereotype if we go about making asses out of u's and me's'. We do it by trying, and by being polite.

With our Switzerland trip now within a month, I've just started wrapping my head around having to communicate. Switzerland might be one of the safest places to assume that I'll never have to speak a different language, but no matter. We'll be spending most of our time in the French side of the country, but will dip east into the German side (no Italian this trip :( ) so, as with every destination, I'm going to try master AT LEAST three things:

1. A polite way to say "I want". Filling in the blank is easy. You can look them up as occasion requires . Some suggestions: go, eat, buy, look at, this, that, cheese, water, bathroom, and anything else you might want or want to do. Yes, it will be grammatically incorrect. But people will understand. And that's the point.
     French: ja voo (soft j)
     German: ick vill (v is almost a w)
   
2. Basic subjects and possessives, i.e., Me/my, you/your, he/his, etc. Yes, many languages conjugate these into their speech, or gender them, but you don't know how to do that, and won't likely for a week long trip. Give yourself a break and learn how to gesture.
     French: mohn (my), votre: (barely saying the e, your), son (barely say the n, his/her)
     German: mine (my), ire (your/his/her)

3. "Thank you, really." For dramatic effect, pause after saying thank you, making eye contact, then add the "really/so much". Gets 'em every time.
     French: Mer- see ... bocu
     German: danka shoen (Ferris Bueller was singing it wrong!)

Bonus points: Excuse me, pardon me, or sorry. When traveling, you are so commonly an idiot it's good to know how to apologize.

Double bonus points: Listen to YouTube videos of people speaking French or German or whatever and try your darndest to mimic. Language books are generally awful at describing sounds, and no matter how many times I try, I always seem to get the phonetic guide alphabet they use in dictionaries backwards. Listen, mimic, sound like an American trying and failing. But trying.

3 Ways to Prep for a Presentation

I gave two presentations for a work conference this weekend. Mostly against my will, though I'll admit there's a part of me that secretly likes to be considered an authority on something (I'm sure this blog, my podcast, and my acceptance of two youth Sunday school class callings are evidence of this.). In this case, I was presenting to people who do more than I do, have been doing it for longer than I have, and whose landscape for work is really quite a bit different than mine, so I was less than thrilled at the idea of BSing my way through them. It was a great opportunity (that's business-speak for challenging) to get my shiz together and make sure that the work I've been doing for the last 5 months is accumulating to something worthwhile. And also, a hard deadline to get my templates and processes in order. It's like college all over again!
 
To be ready to speak at any opportunity, I recommend you:

1. Know what you're talking about. Research. Have backup plans. Anticipate questions. Know the answer to those questions. It's a lot of work, especially if you're still on the steep point of a learning curve. But it's worth cramming on stats and concepts, and most especially terminology. Because nothing makes you sound more like an idiot than using wrong jargon.
    
2. Remember that what you're saying has value, even if it feels like you're rambling, even if you don't feel qualified, even if participant stares are indiscernible between interest and boredom. You are here as a resource. You can (and should) utilize audience knowledge and incorporated it into the lesson/presentation, but be sure to moderate and anchor the information, otherwise discussion can end up in la la land. And la la land makes you sound like an idiot.
    
3. Eat/drink safe. Meaning normal meals (no breakfast burritos from the ferry cafeteria galley [whoops!], no trying out something new, or drinking like a camel [though I highly recommend a Diet Coke to settle the burrito stomach, and provide a healthy energy punch]). Maybe it's just me and my fickle gastrointestinal system, but nerves mess you up enough, so normal can only help. You want to spend your pre- and during presentation time thinking about how smart and well-spoken you are, not how much you need to go #1, or, heaven forbid, even worse, #2.

Three Things about our Thailand Trip 2014

It's the big things that are hardest to boil down into Three Things. We spent 2 weeks in Thailand it was amazing. No play-by play this time. It was just great. Three things I loved:

1. Food. 

Thai food is effing amazing and people who eat in Thai restaurants in America only know the half of it. It's SO cheap. And SO delicious. And it's EVERYWHERE. Best thing about Bangkok- I always say when people asked me what I thought of the city (that, and 'there are gems everywhere: Ornate temples hidden by skyscrapers, a beautiful vista, park, sunset, building, distracted by 8 million people, a ton a pollution, and people everywhere)- is STREET FOOD. You can't go 10 feet without there being someone selling you something to eat, something delicious, and cheap.

Meatballs, fish balls, crepes, waffles, salad, omelets, ice cream, soup, rice dishes, veggie dishes (in a box or bag), smoothies, iced chocolate (in a cup or bag), meat skewers, rice blocks, deep fried everything, fresh iced cut fruit. It's the way I eat: grazing, snack by snack - some heartier than others) with an occasional full meal.

The full meals were pretty dreamy as well (not surprising). Highlights:

• The most delicious fried chicken I've ever eaten, cooked by my friend Oh's mom in honor of us and Chinese New Year (not sure which trumped, honestly) (secret ingredient: white pepper!)
• The most delicious Indian food I've ever eaten (It was technically Bangladeshi, but it was naan and curry and full of crack, I'm sure.
• Crepes, Roti, waffle sticks. Breakfast treats all day.

2. Friends

People I taught, people I served with, people I met later (and a random exchange with a girl I never met but who knew who I was because she served after me but before all my MTC missionaries. And happened to be sitting behind us at the train station, heading to random corner of the country. [" You're headed to Ubon? That's random! What takes you there?" "I was a missionary for the LDS church..." "I was a missionary for the LDS church!" "Are you Sister Knudson?" WTF]. In (a wholly dissatisfying to me and my future memories) summary:

•  P Oh. The first woman I taught with all my heart. I LOVE HER. Not in the saccharine way, in the 'my soul cares for her soul' way. 
• P Ae and P Tik. The gruesome twosome. Both my companions, best friends, always there for encouraging words- as well as both literal and figurative noogies. They razz me plenty but I know they love me :)
• P Napa. That investigator who sacrificed it all, got baptized, got married, sealed, and is now expecting a baby and moving to America. Every missionary's dream investigator. Seeing her Happily Ever After is a regular delight.
• A random American friend. Who I dated briefly when I came back to visit, who I run into occasionally (this time on street, when neither of us even live in BKK). There's something wonderful about being on good terms with a romantic interest that didn't pan out. Connecting on the same things you did before, as friends this time, not too marred by history.
• Sailing companions. Jamie and Higgy met us and were woonderful sailing crew. There's not too many people who I'd commit to a week in very close quarters, but the Karera's were breezy and fun, set to tune of Calypso (see above).

3. Warm wind and peaceful sitting, enjoying the sites, sounds, and smells that are uniquely Thailand.

• In Lumpini Park, watching giant monitor lizards
• Around Victory Monument, which has the best shopping, even with government protester tents 
• Sailing - there is really no sensation of calm quite to compare with warm tropical air, being carried by wind
• Waterfall climbing in the country
• In the sun, at the pool or on the beach
• On jumbo planes and regional carriers (with hi-so treats!), trains (scratch that, we missed our train because I can't tell time in Thai), automobiles (candy-colored cabs), motorcycle taxis (hold on for your life), tuk tuks, ferries, a 38 ft sailboat, crammed Zodiac inflatable boat, and of course, on foot. And by snorkel. 

Music Monday: Three Things about every song on John Mayer's Paradise Valley album

It's no secret that I love John Mayer. He's the only singer I can think of who I like almost all of his songs, and whose musical talent I respect whole-heartedly. His albums somehow, over the years, have tracked well to my personal life dramas (excitement at life, heartbreak, indifference, calm and settled, always self-searching). Paradise Valley is the latest, and I listen to it on repeat. Now, because I love it so much, I'm going to go through song by song and pull out three things from every song. BECAUSE I LOVE it.


1. Wildfire.

Might be my favorite song on the album. I read that John Mayer, speaking of this album, recounted that he was listening to a Jack Johnson album and he noted that it just felt good. So he decided to not worry so much about every word and every note and just make an album that feels good. You feel it in this song. It reminds me of Josh Turner's All Over Me- just oozing a laid-back summer. There is something magical about late, warm nights with your honey.

Best line: "A little bit of summer's what the whole year's all about"

Really, is this a country song or what.

2. Marie.
Filled with wonder and tinges of regret. And the stalking of old loves, not because you still love them, but because you just want to know how they turned out. I sometimes look up old boyfriends and I don't think it's weird. Just because John and Marie ended up in different places, doesn't mean he can't care where she ended up and he can't wonder if she'd be proud of him.

Best line: "From time to time I go looking for your photograph online, but some kind of judge in Ohio's all I ever find"

Shout out for the last 30 seconds of 'oh oh oh oh' that doesn't change tune from the same four notes over and over but somehow doesn't get boring BECAUSE THE GUITAR BEHIND IT IS SO GOOD. Way to make it interesting, John.

3. Waiting on the day.
You can hear that John Mayer is growing up enough that he can picture the long term idea of someone being there. He wants to believe it's possible for someone to be there all the way. No more "faking love for an hour or so"

Best line: "I'm waiting on the day when these words are in stone, when the kids are all grown, and we go dancin"

There is something terrifying and exciting about hoping for a forever kind of love, or hoping that the love you have is the forever kind. Waiting is excruciating and exciting and totally worth it.

4. Paperdoll
I'm secretly in love with Taylor Swift and John Mayer and whatever drama sparked the retaliation song-writing feud they are in (she slammed him for making her cry in 'Dear John'. In Paperdoll, he  basically calls her out as a lost, spoiled baby.) So passive aggressive, and likely petty, but don't you kind of wish you could get into a song-writing feud with someone?

Best line: I don't actually love the words or the music, just the alleged stab at Taylor Swift. Taylor's Dear John was one of her worst songs too. Doesn't make it any less juicy.

Is it just me or is this song reminiscent of the under water level on Super Mario?

5. They Call Me the Breeze
This is my kind of guitar solo. Reminds me of my Guitar Hero Stevie Ray Vaughn Days, back when I was addicted to the game and I thought it made me both talented and well-rounded.

Best line: guitar solo

Please, Guitar Hero/Rock Band, please make this into a game song.

6. You Love Who You Love
The commitment-phobe's confession, and a bit of self-defense by way of Katy Perry, who I'm hoping it works out with, even though their voices don't actually blend very well (not like his and Taylor's, if it must be said). She seems a lot more normal and grounded around the overtly and excessively soulful John Mayer, which I feel good about. I also totally get that sometimes people you love aren't any great picture, they're just who you love and you gotta stop over thinking and just follow your heart.

Best line, from Katy Perry: "Some have said his heart's too hard to hold. And it takes a little time, but you should see him when he shines, cuz you never want to let that feeling go."

The video is ridiculous, but actually kind of great. KP's laugh at the end of the song almost ruins the song. Laughing in songs is almost never a good idea.

7. I Will Be Found
No one else can call themselves a birdie and get away with not sounding like an idiot. I like this song for the pure determination of it. "I will be found" sounds like a mantra. Like, he knows he's not so great at being a grown-up, but he's moving forward, head down and self-aware.

Best line: "Maybe it's a long-played game, but that's a good thing."

Life lesson from the heart of Montana. I bet he stole the line from some sage neighbor who, though missing a leg from the war and rebuilding broken relationships with his kids and an alcohol addiction, has taken Mr. Mayer under his wing and reminded him of the heart of life.

8. Wild Fire (the not-John-Mayer version)
I don't really get why this is on the album. I guess, John Mayer produced it, so it counts as his, but it seems like it should at least be a duet or something. I don't hate it (except the weird suicide at the Eiffel Tower reference), but I don't really think it fits. Whatevs.

9. You're No One Til Someone Lets You Down

Back to country and twang. The kind of heartbreak cowboys sing about.

Best line: "Yes, I've been told that some people grow old without losing part of their soul, but if that is true I don't wish it on you, there's so much to adore with a heart that is blue."

Tis better to have loved and lost, sure because of the love, but also because of the loss.

10. Badge and Gun

Can we just call this a boy song? Man song? A lone wolf, out on the prairie, living his life with honor and grit.

Best line: "Give me those jet-black, kick back, lay down nights alone"

Who doesn't love a storm-chasing cowboy loner?

11. On The Way Home

What a great album caboose! Reflective, wise, personal, bluesy, great guitar, simple harmony, meaningful lyrics, everything a good John Mayer song (and album) is.

"You'll go back to love that's waiting, I'll unpack in a rented room. How's that life you swear you're hating? Grass is greener, that makes two.

Just remember on the way home, you were never meant to feel alone"

See ya next round, John. I'll be waiting.